The Truth Will Set You Free

you never loved me for my mind
you never let me venture out into a world bigger than your own
you held me so tight, you never gave me a chance to breathe
made my life a bubble; and made it were you were the only one allowed in.
you hindered my thinking, my feelings, my actions, my LIFE.
you never realized you were the one that made this fall apart.
you saw me for my outter beauty and apparance,
neglecting whats inside; what truly matters.
when i try to think back to us, all i get is a blurr
memories lost in what never should have been.
you told me you loved me,
but what you really should have said is that you love
my body, my things, and how i made YOU feel.
it never really was about us, just YOU.
you invaded my sapce, my things, my life,
trying to erase all past memories
so the future could focus solely on you.
you ruined my past, but i wont let you ruin my future.
a year of my life was wasted, but instead of dwelling on it,
i will grow from this.
and learn to never let someone try to control me like you did.
and while YOU never let me be who I was truly meant to be,
I will never let someone like you try to inhabit my life again.
you broke me.
messed up my mind, thoughts and abilities.
i cant do the things i used to do before,
or feel the feelings i felt before.
you’ve made me numb to them.
with your hollow truths and shallow lies.
it’s like i’m back at square one.
trying to learn how to love all over again.
you made me so skiddish, scared to be with anyone
for the fear of being used and neglected lingers.
you treated me like property, a rag doll,
a status symbol to show off to all your friends
and use or toss whenever you please.
but you never thought I would stand my ground.
yet here i am, where i was spossed to be all along.
living for myself, not for a selfish feind
who tries to suck the happiness and life out of me.
you’re jealous because unlike you,
i’m going places with my life.
that was just too much for you to handle
so you tried to break me down,
make me nothing more than a subordinate to you.
i will never let you take advantage of me again.
your lies, tricks, fake promises and threats no longer have any weight.
i’m free.
free from your suffocating grasp,
free from your insecurity
free from your pathetic attempts at trying to control my life.
i’m finally free to be the person you’ve tried so hard to keep me from being.
my heart is torn, abused and damaged
but it’ll heal.
and i’ll grow stronger than you ever thought i could be.

Just Ramble...

I was given this assignment to just ramble
for five minutes about anything
to clear my mind.... here it goes

So last Friday
or maybe it was Saturday
I started yet another diet
but this one is different
no matter how many times i say that line
it is never true
it is never different
i dont want to be fat
but its hard
and my motivation went out the window
a ling time ago
but i think
honestly and completely
that this time
its different
i am eating healthier
i could drink more water
and i could exercise more
but you know what?
its enough...
i love myself and im doing it
im really trying
i hope it works
i need it to work
this week has been long
and comlicating
i need someone to talk to
but i dont know who
it is hard, you know
who can i trust?
who wont judge me...
life is hard
and complicating...
i know
i love
i hate
i steal
i cry
i try to help others
i need to find out what i want to do with my life.
i dont know
i do know
but i wont face it
because i cant do it
life. its what we do.