Stained Glass Windows

sooner or later, the truth always comes out. 

it doesn't even matter what that truth is 

anything

everything

friends, family, boys, girls

lies 

truth

it is all so obvious

why don't we see it

i hate lies

i hate the truth

life is complicated

i like to cry

but not when its not on my terms

this makes me complicated

today i met a boy

not a boy boy

but a boy

i already knew him 

but today i met him

the real him

the one that scares me

the one that makes me angry

the one that makes me feel unworthy

yet the one who has meant the most to me in a while

the one who actually inspired me to do something different

today i ran

down a parking structure 

in pajamas

yes pajamas

i need help

i have a problem

the problem is i don't love myself

i don't love what i have become

i try so hard to love

to love everyone else

and i love them so much

that they always have to let me down 

because i'm looking

looking for someone to be perfect

to make up for what i can't have

no, what i just don't have

i want it, and you know what?

i'm going to get it.

right now

sooner or later, the truth always comes out. 

The Sun Will Come Out Tomorrow

"The sun will come out tomorrow
Bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow
There will be sun!
Just thinking about tomorrow
Clears away the cobwebs and the sorrow
Until there is none!"

Why do we, as human beings, 

allow ourselves to be so optimistic?

The glass is half full.

'Tis better to have loved and lost 

than never to have loved at all.

Anything is possible.

Every cloud has a silver lining.

Seriously guys? 

I mean I know it is one thing to 

try and be happy sometimes, 

but why do so many people 

have to be happy all the time? 

It is unrealistic, 

and it makes happiness a less meaningful experience. 

If you never face feelings of regret, sadness or sorrow,

then when good things happen, 

your feelings stay the same as they were.

Happiness should be a feeling that flows 

in an out of your veins like a drug. 

It should have the power to cause irrational behavior 

and cause humans to act differently towards 

not only other people, but

towards themselves as well.

On the other hand, 

if you absolutely adore the feelings of disappointment and sadness, 

then by all means... Try to be happy all the time. 

Eventually it will sneak up behind you. 

These feelings will creep in your window, 

and find their way into your head.

Remember when you were focusing on something 

so intently that everything around you just disappeared? 

That is how these horrible feelings will somehow 

manage to locate themselves inside you.

I, I am one of THOSE people. 

I try to be happy all the time. 

I try to please others because I have convinced myself 

that this is what I want.

I need people to like me. 

I need people to love me. 

By attempting to have everyone have these 

oh so passionate feelings towards me, I have

lost the feeling to accept love at all. 

I pretend that people care, when the truth is, 

they don't. 

I form relationships inside my brain and even

convince myself that there is hope.

This blog is going to be the change of me, 

the birth of a new me, and the death of the old me. 

This blog is going to be my escape from myself

and my own lies. This blog is going to be... me.