Always On My Mind

Why do girls think so much?
They take something so unimportant and turn it into some major event?
I was talking to the boy I like earlier
and out of nowhere, our conversation just stopped.
I was the last one to text him so I decided not to text him again to seem clingy
I really am a clingy person
I need attention
and I get really depressed when I dont have it
So the conversation was over
and I went on with my day
Feeling horrible because I am sick and just got my wisdom teeth pulled,
I tried to watch TV and listen to music
Anything I could do to keep my mind of him
But it did not work
Why isn't he texting me back
Maybe he doesn't like me
Maybe I'm being too clingy
Maybe I'm boring
My thoughts keep racing
And I get depressed
Five hours passed
I cant take it anymore
I send him a message: Hi
Oh no. I shouldn't have done that
Ughh you are stupid
My phone rings
It is a text message, from him.
Boy: I missed you almost all day :]

Damnit.. I over thought things again
Stupid girl.

Perfection does not have to be lonesome

Today I tried to disappear
tried to sink into the covers and not exist
The sounds of rain crashing against the concrete
and my head sunk into the pillow
The blinds open, and the light shining through
I breathe in, and the air fills my chest
I stop. I hold that breath until it begins to hurt
Then I release slowly and repeat.
I try to focus on my breathing and the sounds around me
Meditate.
Breathe.
Be calm.
I am almost in that moment
Where everything is perfect
Eyes closed, body limp
Perfection
*Footsteps*
"OUCHHH"
I open my eyes to my sister on top of me
Laughing
She smiles
I smile
This... is perfect. <3

In love with being in love

So love is a very complicated issue. I am one of those people that fall in and out of love daily. I mean, it's not that I mean to, it is just that it is so easy for me to find the good in people. My current love interest is a boy we will call FB, originally for Fraternity Boy, but more meanings have come to it since it started. So this boy helped me get over another boy from last year. He did not even know that he was doing it, but things just happened. And that boy, lets call him Israel, helped me get over a boy before him named First Love. Overall, every boy I like or love or date or anything is just to get over another boy. I move from boy to boy. My best friend does this too. I originally told her it was a bad idea, but now I realize what it feels like. I can't be alone. I refuse to. Even if I am giving all of my attention to a boy who will never love me back, I just cannot help it. I know I will not marry the boy I am pursuing now. He is an athiest. A hardcore athiest. He does not believe in religion at all, and I am okay that it is what he believes, but it scares me. You see, I am trying to be a Rabbi or something in the field of Judaism. My major is Judaic Studies and here is this boy, an athiest.. who every day, I am falling more and more in like with. Soon, it might be love. what will happen then? The poor, hispanic, athiest boy and the wealthy, white, jewish girl. This is a conflict. I know opposites attract and all, but I am scared. What if I fall too hard for him? What will happen? I am scared. I like him so much already. I was day dreaming today of us cuddling up near a fire and listening to the rain. It is bad. I dream about him and I am thinking of him almost everty secnd of every day... I wish I knew what to do. He hurt me once, and I don't think he'll do it again, but I am always wrong when it comes to my love life. Anyone elses wouldn't be that hard, but this is my life we're talking about.. Ughhhh help me? Well guess who just texted? Him... so ill post later <3